Third time is definitely the charm

Today, I would like to talk about my husband, whom I adore.  He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.  It took me a while to find it - but good things come to those who wait.  He is my third husband and we met in 2001 online at match.com.  We married in August, six months later.  I hope we are celebrating together for many decades to come.

My first husband was abusive, more mentally and emotionally than physically.  His most physical abuse was rape.  I have never written those words out loud.  And I would be ashamed for my children to read them, but I have nothing to be ashamed about.  I have learned that.

But I turned around and married another abuser, because I thought that marriage was the right state to be in when one had kids.  I did not want to be a single mom.  He had a psychotic break when I told him I wanted a divorce. Psychotic breaks are not pretty.  I ran from the house in my pajamas because he was physically terrifying me. The kids were not at home at the time.  Even though I kept possession of the house to provide a home for the girls, his behavior fixated on us and I had to leave the state to escape him.  But he followed.  and stalked. although to my knowledge, he never did anything - just tracked and watched.  But karma is a bitch. eight years later, he was killed after stopping a drunk man and his girlfriend from fighting at a campground on Memorial Day week-end.  The defendant and a person nearby both claimed that the victim yelled "I'm going to get you!" before the defendant stabbed him.  Apparently, the cops put zero belief in that because of all the glowing reports about the victim who had been in the marines and was known for being such a gentle man.  Well, until I called to confirm it was my ex-husband and was asked why.  After explaining the fear we'd been under for the better part of a decade and the order of protection, maybe the cops got a different view on the victim.  I don't care.  The defendant was convicted of manslaughter, justice was served on all sides. The sickening part was reading the comments from others about the victim, my ex-husband.  Oh, and as far as I know - he was never in the marines.  I think I would have known.  But psychotic people hide well and present a totally different person to most than they do to their victims.  I was his victim.  They were his cover.

So after two horrible marriages, could anyone blame me for being scared of a third?  But I took a leap of faith and God placed me in the arms of the right person.  I have a strong faith - would have to after what I have survived, because there was no way I saved myself.  I know there are people who have suffered much more and I bleed for them inside.  But there are also people who have never known this type of pain or fear. I hope they never do.

Long-distance Relationship

I just dropped the love of my life off at the San Jose airport for his flight back to Dallas. Due to my new job, we are relocating to San Jose - but, of course, we have complicating factors preventing a complete move right now.  See, we have three dogs and two cats, so it is hard to find a rental home.  Also, my oldest daughter is getting married on 4-20-13 (and no comments on 4-20 please) and is in her senior year of college back in Dallas.  So we cannot sell the house there until at least May of 2013.  Oh - and to save money, effort, and resources - when I  moved to San Jose, my daughter did not renew the lease on her apartment and moved back in - with her dog and two cats (one of which is a family cat she took with her).

For the first two months, I commuted a week or so here and a week or so home on the company dime.  But as of June, I have a one bedroom apartment in San Jose that costs more than my house note in Texas.  Now, my husband tries to visit me for two weeks or so each month and I try to make it to Dallas for a long week-end monthly.

For the record: I am not really happy with the long-distance relationship, but for the first time in my life I am kinda sorta living on my own.  I did bring an elderly cat with me that we had recently adopted from the pound. She is 10, was 18 pounds, and had been the sole animal companion for two ladies her whole life.  I can only imagine what trauma or circumstances would cause someone to voluntarily give her up, but she was lucky enough that we discovered her.  But she is not so happy with sharing living quarters with three other cats and four dogs. neither am I.  So she and I live a quiet, sedate life together in sunny California.

But I miss my husband.  I miss my kids.  Yes, we are technically empty nesters, but my whole life has been spent taking care of others - I even turned it into a career as a nurse.  Then I realized I needed a mental job, not a physical one, but we can talk about that another time.

So as I think about it, maybe this is not such a bad thing.  I only have me and the cat (KC) to feed and clean up after.  Everything is on my schedule and the menu is my choice.  I miss my husband - I married him because I like him.  I miss my kids.  I raised them because I liked them as people, long after I loved them as progeny.  I love my elderly dogs (they are all 12).  and mixed in with all that love is concern for their welfare.  But I like the time I have to  me as well.  Perhaps there is something to that wisdom - absence makes the heart grow fonder.  We'll see how this goes.  Stay tuned.